one year

Today marks one year officially waiting for our Henry. I honestly never dreamed we'd be here. With paremeters a bit wider than most on the waitlist, and given that we were told 8-12 months, I was sure our little man would be home by now. Or at the very least we'd be preparing to travel to meet him. I am without a doubt confident in the Lord's timing. I know He is control and when we finally see his sweet little face it will be worth every minute and tear in this wait. But I'd be lying if I told you this was easy, or that I haven't had angry words or even questioned the path we're on. We've put a lot on hold in the past two years in preparation for our son. We've done lots of planning and re-arranging of our home and our lives in anticipation of the next Poulin. And yes, at times it's been all consuming. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of him. In fact, there's proably not an hour that passes without at least a fleeting thought. But here's the good stuff that comes with the hard stuff and the wait....I've had the privledge to pray for so many families as they wait, travel and meet their precious new additions. We've welcomed new little ones home at the airport with families that will be our friends for life. We've celebrated at baby showers and referral parties and over doughnuts and lots of coffee for the lives that have been united in this process. It is good. God is GOOD!! Time after time I see how He orchestrates the details so perfectly. Maybe not as we would, but so much better. Isn't that always how He works? We have watched our children grow and mature in their faith as they daily bring their requests before the Lord, always including their brother. But not just their brother, other brothers and sisters that are waiting and for all little ones out there longing and hurting for a family. God has grown a deep desire in my heart to help and advocate for the orphan. I am prayerful about how He wants to lead knowing I will be obedient to however He calls me and our family.

We have hearts filled with gratitude for the blessings and miracles we've experienced along this journey. We are so thankful for our friends, family and those who have sacrificed to help us. I've decided the hardest part about the wait isn't the length of time, it's the not knowing when that time will be up. We are hopeful that next year on this anniversary we'll be sending out our 2012 Christmas card with a very loved and very special little addition on the front smiling back at ya!

a little bit of Christmas randomness

Geesh, I got through giving thanks (not that we're ever done giving thanks) and just completely neglected documenting any of our Advent season. In my defense, we were hit like a freight train with the stomach bug this past week and I literally feel like I lost a week of my life. Between cleaning up, washing loads and loads of laundry and being sick myself I'm feeling so behind in every area of life. Thank goodness for a husband who does just as much around the house as I do-especially laundry.

The first Sunday of Advent we had a small group from our church gather at a local retirement center to carol and visit with the residents. It was a sweet time and I enjoyed every minute of chatting with the lovely women. I promise we will go back. I promised them we would be back. I have so many regrets that I didn't spend more time with my grandparents when they were in these same living environments. Maggie has such a heart for elderly and truly desires to spend time with them. So a promise was made to her too, yes we will go back.

 Next up, getting our tree. We broke tradition this year and just visited the produce stand down the road to get a pre-cut number. I'm a traditions girl but sometimes practical and time-saving trumps tradition. We looked ahead at our calendar and realized it was today or not for another week so with Sam fresh from the dentist with two pulled teeth we set out for our tree. I think it took us a quarter of the time it usually takes us to find the perfect tree.

This picture cracks me up for so many reasons. #1 it's not even the tree we ended up buying #2 Josie was in my arms because she was having nothing to do with the photo op, so once again it looks like we only have three children #3 Millie is totally sportin' some Kindergarten attitude #4 Maggie has the tween, hand on the hip pose and #5 the funniest of all, we kept telling Sam to smile natural and quit doing funny things with his lower lip when he finally reminded us that he couldn't actually feel his  lower lip. Poor guy was still totally numb from the dentist! This is one for the memory book!

What would the Christmas countdown be without the gingerbread house? Loved that my cute little egg crate got another use! The kids and I agreed that next year we'll have our own candy stash to munch on while decorating. While the Costco all-ready-assembled kit is great, the candy is rock hard.

Totally random, but I had to post a picture of something I made from Pinterest. FINALLY, I completed a project!

Our Chistmas Pageant was this past weekend and this Mary, Joseph and baby were just the sweetest. Maggie Lu was the only one of our kiddos in attendance at the program as Sam has outgrown the cast, Millie was still home sick with the flu and guess who didn't want to wear her sheep costume? Seeing a pattern with this three year old?

One last picture, if you're still hanging with me. Sam took this. For his Fine Arts portion of school he wanted to try Photography. Okay, let's be honest here. He really didn't want to try anything that had to do with arts but after he saw his other options, photography didn't seem so bad. Today was the first afternoon he played around with the camera. It was freezing out so we didn't spend a whole of time exploring but I have to say it was so fun to see him get excited and actually look for some artistic shots. He said he really liked how the red looked laying against the dark leaves. I'm looking forward to learning along with him and just maybe he can add photography to his list of hobbies and interests someday!

I'm looking forward to the rest of this Advent season and hopeful that we can slow it down just a bit. The last couple years we've tried to be so much more intentional about the season. I will be the first to admit that for years we have celebrated the season slave to the consumerism and materialism that surrounds us. It's hard not to. We have a long way to go but I pray that we are giving our kids the true message. Jesus came to love and to give of Himself. He came to serve others and that's how I want our family to live. We're looking for those opportunities and even if they come in small gestures I'm hopeful that in the process we are transformed and others might be blessed.

I promised Sam I'd be in bed by 11:00 pm....oops, time to call it a night!



The big brother

I have learned so much in my 12 years being Sam's mom. Lessons that have not always come easy but so worth it. He is, and always has been, a constant source of energy. We have so many things in common. Both nightowls, quick to anger and even quicker to see the error of our ways (okay, maybe I'm not always that quick), he already shares a love for running and when there's a sad movie..pass us the tissue cause we're the cry babies in the family. He cried the day we told him he was going to have a third sister.

I can't imagine him without his sidekick now. He adores the girls and can even become a bit irritating to them in his quest for hugs and snuggles. In the past few months we've had more time together than we've had in years. I honestly could not be more thankful. I have loved every minute of our time and I feel so blessed that we have the opportunity to learn and grow together. 12 years ago, he made me a mama and I count that as one of my most treasured blessings!

World Changer

The most social of butterflies is our Maggie Lu. She has the gift of gab and even when her mouth isn't actually saying words it's still moving and some type of noise is coming out. I am so thankful for our first girl. Big sister just comes natural to her and even though we're hitting some new territory she is almost always willing to invest in her little sisters. Who, by they way, think she's the greatest girl in the world! Of course they do. She is a born leader and as her teacher so sweetly told me at conferences, if there is a food drive or bake sale to be organized, Maggie is the girl. I think that might have been her polite way of saying she's a bit bossy. But bossy, harnassed and pointed in the right direction means a girl with vision and power to make change. I love her heart for little ones. I'm qute positive she would miss just about any social event if it meant time loving on babies. I sometimes worry about the years ahead and this new season we're entering as tween/teenage girl and her mama. I pray for both our hearts and give Him thanks for the moments we have now. Thankful that she still wants to spend time with me and selfishly happy that she never wants to spend a night away from home. Our first gift all wrapped up in pink. Our hearts our filled with thanks!

In All Circumstances

Since I was on the topic of giving thanks for my kiddos, I figured I might as well work my way through the crew as we approach Thanksgiving day. Amelia Mae, I don't know that I will ever find the words to accurately describe this blazing ball of energy and love. Look at that smile, how can you not just love her? Okay, I might possibly be a bit biased but she really IS just a load of fun! She possesses such an adventerous spirit and from a tiny age loved maps. She loves to learn about far away places and her prayers always include a country in need. Her heart is BIG and full of love for the Lord. She sings those songs (the ones that never end) about Jesus and how He loves us and we are His and someday we'll see Him in heaven. And they go on and on and on. I could listen to them all day. She is funny. I mean, turn your head the other way because you probably shouldn't be laughing at what she just said funny. She has amazing comedic timing and most nights has us in stitches at the dinner table. She's a baller and I'm sure will follow in the sporty footsteps of her older siblings. She's all limbs and we're still scratching our heads trying to figure out where she gets her big feet and her long legs. She reminds us how to love Jesus and to love Him in all circumstances.

Her prayer last night.....
"God, please give us good days......and bad days because we love you no matter what and this day is starting to go pretty bad."

I never want to forget her tender thoughts and prayers! I am SO thankful for our #3 and all the lessons she is teaching us at age 5! Love, love, love you Millie Mae!

Gifts

Miss Josie, lover of all things small, creepy and crawly...especially caterpillars. You are a joy. Today, as we had a rare, few moments alone in the car I was struck by the overwhelming  feeling of gratitude I have for the gift of you. I tried telling you that God wrapped you up special for us. That you are a gift, a present from heaven. You giggled at me and said I was silly. Sometimes the most treasured gifts are the ones that come when we're least expecting them! Love you Josephine Kate!



Give Thanks

{Always}

{Chinook Pass}

Yesterday Rocky's car broke down. It's not an old car or one with hundreds of thousands of miles on it, but it broke. I've lost count over the past couple years how many things have broken down in our cars or around our house. Seriously too many to count. I came into the house after he told me ready to have a pity party, ready to grumble and complain. I sat down on the couch eager to give God a piece of my mind and I looked up to the chalkboard above our dining room table. There were the words I had just written last week....

Give Thanks

always

Oh, and how He transformed my heart in that moment. I have SO much to be thankful for. So for the rest of the day I thanked him. I thanked Him for having parents that are willing to help us out at a moment's notice. My dad ready to pull the car apart and tinker around, willing to tow the car wherever needed and willing to drive us across the mountains to Rocky's parents where they were willing to hand over the keys to their truck. Wow, are we blessed! Thankful for the most gorgeous drive across the pass where we got to see the snow and changing leaves and even sun off in the distance. Thankful for some quiet time in the car so that Rocky and I actually had a conversation and not just about what was on the agenda for the week. Thankful for a mother-in-law that dropped everything to make sure we were fed and well-stocked for the long drive back home. Thankful for milkshake treats to reward the kiddos for being such troopers. Thankful for amazing friends that pour into my kids and then keep one of them while we made this trek. Thankful that we came home to a warm house with beds to sleep in and food to eat. We are blessed and often it's too easy to look at what we don't have or the inconveniences we're dealing with and feel a little pouty. It only takes a moment though, to find the blessings. They are all around us and too numerous to count. As I'm writing this a prayer the kid's used to sing just came to me.....

Thank you Lord for giving me

my food, my friends and my family

The Lord is good to me!

So simple but so true!

Be joyful always, pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

                                                                     1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Soul Surfer

maybe we've watched the movie a few too many times...........

I've never been a fan of Barbie anyway, so if she can serve as a Jesus lovin' surfer with one arm then by all means girls...rip her arms off. But poor Ken, what did he ever do to deserve the severing of his leg? There is never a dull moment around here.

Never say "never"

I'm not sure there's any other arena in life than parenting where this phrase holds more true. Maybe it's just me but there have been more times I've said "well, I'll never do that with my kids" only to find out that yes I will allow my kids to sleep in bed with us until they're 3 {or 10}, they will eat McDonald's Happy Meals  and the day after Halloween, candy is allowed as an appetizer before breakfast...gasp. Never say "never"....motherhood will change you. It's actually quite embarassing to think of all the times I've judged moms on their choices and thought to myself....hmmmm, I would totally do that different. And yes, this was before I was an actual mother. It all seemed so simple before I was holding a real live person who had his own set of character traits and seemed to defy every plan we had in place for raising him. My apologies to all the mothers for judging. This is hard stuff. We're 12 years in and I'm still eating my words. The latest...."I would never homeschool my kids." Guess who's got a 6th grade classroom set up in the dining room? That's right folks, we're homeschooling.

If you would have told me three years ago that I would be putting together lesson plans and prepping for school around our kitchen table I would have laughed hysterically and told you "never."  Rocky and I never considered this an option for our family. For one, we are {were} both public school teachers and this just seemed to contradict what we believed. There's the fact that our kids are extremely extroverted and the thought of removing them from the very thing that fuels them seems so cruel.  There of course is the argument that if we remove Christian kids from public schools then who will be the light? And my apologies again....we judged and made stereotypes about homeschool kids and the idea of our kids morphing into that image and myself wearing a denim jumper was just frightening {no offense Dugger family}.

Preschool Pumpkin Patch field trip 2004

But in God's funny way {and I do believe He has a sense of humor} He began laying this on my heart almost two years ago. I couldn't believe I was even entertaining it but when I mentioned it to Rocky he didn't dismiss it like I thought {or at least hoped} he would. Many conversations, lots of researching and even more prayers later we still didn't come to any conclusions so we just let the kids be. And besides, we had been informed by monkey #1 that we would be ruining his life and he may have even threatened packing his bags. Hmmmm....

We went into this fall with a little apprehension and deep down I felt some disappointmet that we weren't going forth with school at home. There's that tough line of listening and obeying and then just wondering if you're making things up because it's what you want. I was starting to believe that all along I had just romaticized the idea of homeschooling. I had read too many wonderful blogs filled with warm and fuzzy homeschool stories and envisioned this Little House on the Prairie scene playing out around our kitchen table, but the reality is...that's not our crew. Who was I kidding? I'm not equipped to school my own kids.

Five weeks into the school year, God showed us He had a much different plan. The circumstances that brought us to this decision really aren't that important but we count them as a blessing. I can now see this is where He was leading us all along. We needed a little extra tug. We got it. And we get it now. We've been at the homeschool thing for three weeks. I love it. It's just Sam right now but I'm prayerful about what to do with the girls next year. I feel such a peace about our decision....at least I do now. There were some days my stomach hurt and the panic felt so close to the surface but I know we are being obedient and often that's a scary place to be.

Sam and I hiking {his P.E. one day last week}

Here's what I know, I don't ever get this time back. The last 12 years went by in lightening speed and I'm sure the next twelve will go even faster. We have such a limited time to love, teach, shape and grow with our kids. There are a thousand arguments on both sides of the homeschool fence but I'm confident we're right where we're supposed to be. It took us some time to figure it out, but hey, better late than never... :)

Halloween and Larry Bird

  A few of our best buddies we met downtown for trick or treating. It's the only picture I managed to get with all three girls in the same shot. Notice Sam doing a cameo in the background. He's too cool for dressing up these days but still managed to score himself some loot. We were so thankful for dry weather and great friends!

And Larry Bird has our October number......

Nope. not much movement. but I'm hopeful.

game.set.match

Rocky grew up playing tennis. He has played more years of his life than he hasn't and he's taught and coached most of that time too. So one might assume that our kids are little tennis players following in their father's footsteps. Not so much. For one reason or another it just hasn't worked out for the kids to play much tennis. This past spring Rocky was hired as the Men's Tennis coach at his Alma Mater~Pacific Lutheran University. This is not only a huge blessing but an amazing honor to follow in the footsteps of some incredible coaches.  He is beyond excited for this new journey and that excitement seemed to rub off on the kids too. The night he was hired Sam and Maggie took their racquets out and attempted a match in our driveway. Apparently he had to be hired as a college coach for them to appreciate they had a pro living in their house!

        We hit the courts one night in July

so the whole family could get in on the tennis action.

Maggie keeping her eye on the ball

Sam just wants to hit it out of the ballpark

Miss Millie....loving every minute of her lesson!

                                                       The ball girl was pooped out

Love this one of Millie. So happy to be learning from her dad the pro!

Once the tennis was over the kids wanted to race. I couldn't turn down Sam's challenge. I'd love to tell ya I won but let's just say it's been a long time since I've done any sprinting and four tennis courts length and back is a lot longer than I though it was.  Yep, he beat me.

Love-Love

Excuses, excuses

I've got four good excuses for my complete lack of attention to this little blog. Four pretty darn cute ones if I do say so myself. 

 We are knee deep in school and fall activities leaving little time for the extra stuff like blogging and documenting our fun!

But there's still so much of summer that I want to preserve here on my online journal so hopefully I'll get to that soon.... before we're singing Christmas carols...oh wait, we already are in preparation for the Christmas Pageant at church.

Time just flies when you're having fun!

Not so fast when you're on the sidelines

I'll be back...no more excuses!



And the two littles are off.....

Amelia- first day of Kindergarten 2011

Josie Kate- first day of preschool 2011

Well, they're all in school....sniff, sniff. I knew this year would be a tough one...Sam starting middle school, Maggie Lu the top dog fifth grader, Mille starting Kindergarten and Josie Kate starting preschool. Lots of new beginnings. I have to admit the hardest one for me was Sam. I was just not ready to see him head off to the big school. But here we are almost two weeks in and he's loving it. He loves everything about it, with the exception that 6th graders just aren't granted all the same priviledges as the 7th and 8th graders. I love that everyday I can check how his grades are, if he has any tardies and what he ate for lunch. Almost two weeks in I can say that his grades are fabulous and he's eating way TOO much at lunch! He must be growing! I'm praying for a great year and so far we're off to a super start.

And on another note....

Our September #

We're inching closer and closer to that sweet face~

First Day

Sam 6th Grade {Middle School}

Maggie 5th Grade

The two big kids started school today. It was the first time in 5 years that they've started at different schools. I was a little blue this morning thinking about them being in two different places. I guess up until today I didn't realize how much comfort I found in knowing they were together. But after school I got to witness something really sweet....a genuine interest in the other's day. So many questions for one another...how was your day? Do you like your teachers? What did you have for lunch? etc, etc. In the past they never had much of this because they already knew everything the other one did before they even hit the stairs of the bus. So maybe a little distance is good for these two. It just might make the heart grow fonder!

Beach Bums

I have so many more pictures and highligts of the summer that I want to document and share but this is about all I have the energy for tonight. My attempt to snap a Christmas card photo while we were at the beach a couple weeks ago. Not sure I have was able to get the shot I was hoping for but I got a few fun ones trying.

Love these crazy kiddos!

August Number

So we're finally out of the 40's and it feels good! The past couple months have been challenging and the wait  long. There's been a few poor souls who have asked how I'm doing at just the wrong (or right) time and they get a sobbing mess. But today....today brought a sense of renewed hope and faith in the work that has begun. I spent the afternoon with mamas that have a heart for adoption and beautiful little loves from the country our hearts have grown so fond of. I believe, we are right where we are supposed to be.

Let us hold unswervinly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.  Hebrews 10:23

The small things

On Friday, Maggie and one of her BFF's Kennedy had a lemonade stand. They're no strangers to the lemonade business. They've put on their fair share in their 10 short years and they always seem to walk away quite successful. This time around though the stakes were a bit higher. They've been dreaming up this lemonade stand all summer long...actually a bit longer than that. Maggie even convinced her super talented Papa to build them the ultimate lemonade stand. Maggie must have taken a hundred notes on what items they would have available and who would provide what. They were set! The goal... to make some money for the electronic gadgets they'd been dreaming about.  But just a few days before they would be open for business everything changed.

We've been talking and praying a lot about the current famine in the Horn of Africa. It is said to be the worst in 60 years. The devastation is hard to even comprehend and according to the experts it's far from being over. You can read more about it here.

With their stand complete and the plans made they were ready to mix up some lemonade. But these girls have hearts that beat for others and with one quick phone call they decided that this wasn't about them, it was going to be about giving to something so much bigger. They wanted to donate every last penny to famine relief in Africa. And let me tell ya, they had the most successful lemonade stand to date.......$235.00!!! All going to help stop hunger in the country where her brother will come home from. They truly amaze me. Yes, we try our hardest to open their eyes and share the world with them but ultimately they choose. They are a couple of amazing kiddos and I just can't wait to see how the Lord continues to use them. Thank you girls for reminding us that every small thing counts!

Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love."
Mother Teresa

Blessed

We are so truly blessed. Gifts we don't deserve and yet they are freely given. I am counting those gifts today.

1. Baseball in a tutu

2. A bigger sister teaching her younger sister how to swing

 the bat with all the patience in the world.

3. A grandma that stopped by with thoughtful gifts for the girls.

 Stickers (covering Jo's chest)

and Best Friends Forever bracelets

for the little sisters. I pray they will be BFF's.

 4. My silly and full of spunk girl that I'm not quite

ready to let go to school in a month.

5. Upside down swinging and yelling "This is the best day EVER!!"

 6. Wildlife in our front yard....even if it was just for a moment before the girls tried to catch him for a pet.

7. Fresh produce growing in the garden.

 8. The funny faces the girls make when they eat the sour apples.

9. Our home

10. The lessons my kids teach me each day.

{ I am BLESSED}