what's more important?

Everyday, sometimes a couple times a day, Jo poses this question to me....."What's more important?" "What's more important mom, doing your schoolwork or making someone a birthday surprise?" "What's more important mom, being on time or taking care of a frog?" "What's more important mom, if someone ruins your shoes or hurts their ankle?" [as she's walking around in my wedges].  Just about every time, she's got me. She gets it. She sees the bigger picture and she reminds me that in our hurried pace, in the demands of getting things checked off lists and being places on time there are far more important things people in this world. This girl, she's schooling me on what the important stuff is. Of course I know these things but am I truly living my life to reflect it? I am so caught up in the list, in the getting there that I miss out on the good stuff. The important stuff.

It's funny. You make decisions for your kids with the mindset you are the expert on what they need most. I was so excited to have them home and to be their teacher this year. I hope they've learned a thing or two from me but I guarantee they have taught me more. God has used them in big ways to teach me important lessons. We've learned to work through disagreements, we've had deep talks about God and heaven, the wonder and awe of a spider web, being called out numerous times on my patience [or lack thereof] and then reminded I'm an example. yikes. Their appreciation for the world around them and their love for others is humbling. Their faith blows me away- it's no wonder that Jesus tells us we must have faith like a child. They get it. And I am so thankful to be their mom and so thankful for the lessons they teach me each day.

Like sometimes making sure your frog has water IS more important than being to somewhere on time.

"Who gets the highest rank in God's kingdom?"
For an answer Jesus called over a child, whom he stood in the middle of the room, and said, "I'm telling you, once and for all, that unless you return to square one and start over like children, you're not even going to get a look at the kingdom, let alone get in. Whoever becomes simple and elemental again, like this child, will rank high in God's kingdom. What's more, when you receive the childlike on my account, it's the same as receiving me." Matthew 18:2-5 [MSG]

Sending our Love

Sending our love all the way to Ethiopia. Celebrating a birthday and the mother that gave life. 

And praying that he will understand how deeply he was loved.

                                 That he is loved.

A child born to another woman calls me mommy. The magnitude of that tragedy and the depth of that privilege are not lost on me. Jody Landers

Adoption has given Mother's Day new meaning for me. This day is no longer just about honoring my own mother and receiving sweet handprints and homemade gifts from my kiddos. It is impossible to approach this day without thinking about the most sacrificial decision that a mother had to make. This year mother's day falls on Z's birthday. A year after bringing him home and I'm still trying to reconcile. I'm not sure I ever will. Not a day goes by that she doesn't enter my mind. Not a day that we don't pray for his first mama. The mama that gave him life and the mama that believed the best alternative for him was to be raised by another family. A family thousands of miles away and the almost certainty that she would never see him again. I just can't even go there. This was what she felt best for him. She saw no other options. Can you just sit with that for a minute? I've sat with it a lot and I can tell you that every time I come out on the side of selfishness. There is most definitely tragedy in adoption.

Z's adoption has opened my eyes to the enormity and complexity of orphan care. Adoption is just one small piece of a much larger puzzle. It is hard, it is beautiful and in many cases it is the only and best option. But knowing what I know now my heart is burdened to do more before a mother or father ever have to make that decision. I am so thankful for our son and cannot imagine our lives without him. It is truly a privilege to raise him but when I hear that sweet "mama" leave his lips I see her face every.single.time. 

Last year Jen Hatmaker did an excellent series on orphan care and this quote so resonated with me:

It is unacceptable that poverty makes orphans. That is a gross injustice at the root of these astronomical numbers. If you must relinquish your child because you cannot feed, educate, or care for him, the international community should rise up and wage war against that inequity. Every family deserves basic human rights, and I should not get to raise your child simply because I can feed him and you can’t.

I don't have answers. I'm just stumbling through and praying that God continues to break our hearts and open our eyes. It was not coincidence that circumstances aligned the way they did in Ethiopia and I was able to look into the eyes and hold the mother of our son. It was Providence.  Today on Z's birthday and mother's day I am especially thankful for the beautiful mother that gave him life.