Never say "never"

I'm not sure there's any other arena in life than parenting where this phrase holds more true. Maybe it's just me but there have been more times I've said "well, I'll never do that with my kids" only to find out that yes I will allow my kids to sleep in bed with us until they're 3 {or 10}, they will eat McDonald's Happy Meals  and the day after Halloween, candy is allowed as an appetizer before breakfast...gasp. Never say "never"....motherhood will change you. It's actually quite embarassing to think of all the times I've judged moms on their choices and thought to myself....hmmmm, I would totally do that different. And yes, this was before I was an actual mother. It all seemed so simple before I was holding a real live person who had his own set of character traits and seemed to defy every plan we had in place for raising him. My apologies to all the mothers for judging. This is hard stuff. We're 12 years in and I'm still eating my words. The latest...."I would never homeschool my kids." Guess who's got a 6th grade classroom set up in the dining room? That's right folks, we're homeschooling.

If you would have told me three years ago that I would be putting together lesson plans and prepping for school around our kitchen table I would have laughed hysterically and told you "never."  Rocky and I never considered this an option for our family. For one, we are {were} both public school teachers and this just seemed to contradict what we believed. There's the fact that our kids are extremely extroverted and the thought of removing them from the very thing that fuels them seems so cruel.  There of course is the argument that if we remove Christian kids from public schools then who will be the light? And my apologies again....we judged and made stereotypes about homeschool kids and the idea of our kids morphing into that image and myself wearing a denim jumper was just frightening {no offense Dugger family}.

Preschool Pumpkin Patch field trip 2004

But in God's funny way {and I do believe He has a sense of humor} He began laying this on my heart almost two years ago. I couldn't believe I was even entertaining it but when I mentioned it to Rocky he didn't dismiss it like I thought {or at least hoped} he would. Many conversations, lots of researching and even more prayers later we still didn't come to any conclusions so we just let the kids be. And besides, we had been informed by monkey #1 that we would be ruining his life and he may have even threatened packing his bags. Hmmmm....

We went into this fall with a little apprehension and deep down I felt some disappointmet that we weren't going forth with school at home. There's that tough line of listening and obeying and then just wondering if you're making things up because it's what you want. I was starting to believe that all along I had just romaticized the idea of homeschooling. I had read too many wonderful blogs filled with warm and fuzzy homeschool stories and envisioned this Little House on the Prairie scene playing out around our kitchen table, but the reality is...that's not our crew. Who was I kidding? I'm not equipped to school my own kids.

Five weeks into the school year, God showed us He had a much different plan. The circumstances that brought us to this decision really aren't that important but we count them as a blessing. I can now see this is where He was leading us all along. We needed a little extra tug. We got it. And we get it now. We've been at the homeschool thing for three weeks. I love it. It's just Sam right now but I'm prayerful about what to do with the girls next year. I feel such a peace about our decision....at least I do now. There were some days my stomach hurt and the panic felt so close to the surface but I know we are being obedient and often that's a scary place to be.

Sam and I hiking {his P.E. one day last week}

Here's what I know, I don't ever get this time back. The last 12 years went by in lightening speed and I'm sure the next twelve will go even faster. We have such a limited time to love, teach, shape and grow with our kids. There are a thousand arguments on both sides of the homeschool fence but I'm confident we're right where we're supposed to be. It took us some time to figure it out, but hey, better late than never... :)