November 9, 2012

For three months this was our number.

To say we were feeling bummed and a little discouraged would be an understatement. 22 months ago we had been told that our wait would be somewhere between 8-12 months.  Ten months past the worst case scenario and no movement at all. In the midst of our impatience we were trying to reconcile the longing we were feeling for our son and the grief that a family across the world would be encountering.

I have often said that even though this wait has been one of the most difficult things I've ever done; I wouldn't trade it. God has used this time to work in our hearts and to show us that at the end of the day, He is all that matters. I have cried out and He has answered. To hear from Him, even when it's not the answer I'm looking for, has been worth every moment of the wait.

But on November 9th we heard the answer we'd been praying for. On a Friday afternoon, shopping at Target, my phone rang. It was the call. The call that was about to rock our world. I'd like to say I handled the call with ease and coolness but the fact is I was a blubbering goof and I could hardly gather my thoughts to make intelligable conversation. I panicked and explained I was out shopping with the girls and what should I do? Our case worker calmly reassured me it was okay, to take a deep breath and call Rocky and set up a time that we could be together and she would call back. I hung up with her and called Rocky and asked him how soon he could be home. It only took him a few seconds to figure out what was going on. From there things get a little blurry. I was trying so hard to focus on finsihing our shopping but my mind was racing and I was suddenly having this panic and feeling like how can I possibly be shopping when my son is across the world and he needs me. The urgency to get to him kicked in instantaneously. Maggie and I tracked down my sis-in-law who just happened to be shopping at Target at the same time. We had a small celebration in the aisles and then we checked out, all the while blabbering to the check out girl that I had a son in Ethiopia. Yikes, I really couldn't get a grip.

We headed home and waited for Rocky and Sam to get home. We scheduled the call for 2:00 just to be sure Rock had enough time to get home. At 1:15 he was home and the next 45 minutes felt like the longest moments of my life.

The girls waiting for the phone to ring. I think they had every brown skinned baby we own sitting with us during the call. We got set up and then watched the phone while Rocky hit refresh on our e-mail about a thousand times in hopes that something just might come through. Finally the phone rang.

The kids sat with us through every part of the call. Eventually Jo crashed but the other three stuck by our sides and didn't miss a thing. It was hard. I thought we had prepared ourselves for the hard and for the grief but to see it written out in black and white and hear it with your ears is overwhelming. We anticipate the overwhelming to stay with us for a long time. That's okay. I don't want us ever to forget what happens on the other side of adoption. There is hurt and there is pain. We are praying for Him to make all things new.

We waded through pages and pages of medical reports and background reports. Then our case worker asked.....would you like to see some pictures?

And there he was, that sweet little face that I now have memorized. That I look at a hundred times a day. For a few moments it was just silent and we let the tears roll. There are no words to describe the feeling of seeing your child for the first time...and he's 2 1/2 years old. We knew instantly he was ours and there was no need for discussion or to return any phone calls. We said yes, tell us what to do next.

The rest of the night I could hardly focus on anything. I couldn't sit still, yet I couldn't manage to finish anything. I was like a mama with her newborn baby...I just wanted to stare at him and memorize every detail. We are so thankful for our dear friends, who have been a part of this journey since day one show up on doorstep with balloons and sparking cider. We weren't thinking clearly enough to properly celebrate! I'm so grateful to have this moment documented. Thank you Hanson family~ we will be forever grateful for this gift!

We are now back in the waiting game. Paperwork submitted and now we wait for a court date. We're praying we get to travel before Christmas but in all honesty I don't know that we really care. The sooner the better, we just want to hold our boy and tell him we love him, that he will always be loved and that there is a God that loves him more than we could ever imagine.

God can do anything, you know-far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us. Glory to God in the church! Glory to God in the Messiah, in Jesus!

                 Ephesisans 3:20-21 {the message}